Here is sample of some of the most frequently questions I get.
Q: Why are you using a surrogate?
A: I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in February 2016. It was Stage 3 (diagnosed based on the size of my tumor and because it had traveled to my auxiliary lymph nodes). My cancer was Estrogen and Progesterone positive, meaning it feeds on those hormones. Hormones that are increased when you are pregnant, in fact during IVF you inject your body with those hormones.
I will be on Lupron for two years and Tamoxifen for five years, putting my body into menopause. Some oncologists support patients stopping Tamoxifen to get pregnant (you can not be pregnant and on Tamoxifen). Originally this was our hope. But after seeing how my body reacted to hormone treatment, my oncologist could not support me stopping Tamoxifen. He told me I could get a second opinion, but I didn't want to doctor shop to get the answer I wanted. I went to MGH because they are the best cancer doctors in the world and I trusted his opinion. I would give anything to be able to carry my own baby, but what's the point of having a baby if I'm not around? I needed to put my health ahead of my desire to carry. So in October 2016 we began our search for a surrogate.
Q: Is the baby yours?
A: Yes. We implanted an embryo. My egg and Carmelo's sperm, so the baby is 100% genetically ours.
Q: Are you afraid Stephanie is going to take your baby?
A: No. Stephanie has three beautiful children of her own. If she wanted a fourth she would have one with her husband, not with me and Carmelo.
Q: Does Eliza know?
A: Yes. We have been very open about the process with Eliza, but she is also too little to know anything different. She often pretend plays to be "Stephanie" and hands me her baby dolls. We have read books to her on the subject as well. The books we purchased were "Why I'm so Special. A book about Surrogacy" (this is my favorite), "The Kangaroo Pouch" and "The Very Kind Koala"
Q: Do you go to appointments?
A: Yes. We are very fortunate that Stephanie is local because typically it doesn't always work out like that. Since Stephanie is local, we try and make every appointment no matter how small or big it is.
Q: Will you be in the delivery room?
A: Yes! This was a question that was asked during our consults with the surrogacy agency as well as our psych evaluation and we both want to be in the room. If the birth is vaginal we will both be there, if the birth ends up being c-section, I will definitely be in the room and we will try and sneak Carmelo in too.
Q: Are you going to find out the gender?
A: Nope! We didn't find out with Eliza and we don't want to treat this pregnancy any different. I also feel like it's nice for there to be a part of this pregnancy that will be a surprise for everyone. It's really hard not to not be carrying my own baby. And keeping the gender a secret allows me to control something. It's also the best surprise in the world. I can not wait for that moment in the delivery room!
Q: Will you eventually tell the baby about Stephanie?
A: We went into this process having no expectations about our relationship with the surrogate. We didn't need one, but if one happened naturally we would welcome it. And sure enough one has happened naturally, so I'm hopeful that Stephanie will be in our lives even after the birth of our child. I would love for our child to know Stephanie and her role in our story.
Q: Do you give suggestions or requirements to Stephanie during the pregnancy?
A: No. We wouldn't have chosen Stephanie if we didn't trust her and how she would handle the pregnancy. She has also had three healthy and successful pregnancies. Girlfriend is a pro and doesn't need any advice from me.
Q: Why did you use a surrogate and not adopt?
A: This is a tough one and one that I've thought alot about. I know there are so many children out there that need a good home. We started this process in February when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. We chose to freeze embryos in case the treatment put me into early menopause (which I am currently in). The hope was that I would be able to stop my Tamoxifen treatment to get pregnant and carry my baby. That unfortunately was not an option for me. So we had to make a decision as to what we wanted to do and although I know a pregnancy isn't considered viable until 24 weeks when I think of the three embryos we have frozen, those are ours. Those are our babies and we need to give them a chance.
Any other questions? Feel free to ask!
Showing posts with label surrogacy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label surrogacy. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 28, 2017
Anniversaries
2016 was a tough year. Not only was my entire year dedicated to cancer treatments, but I also lost someone very close to me, my Aunt Marcia. 2017 now presents all those first year anniversaries. Anniversary of diagnosis, anniversary or treatment dates, anniversary of completion dates, anniversary of losses.
May 12 was one of the Anniversary dates that I dreaded the most and ironically it was an Anniversary that had nothing to do with my cancer diagnosis or treatment. It was the Anniversary of losing my Aunt Marcia. Marcia is my dad's sister. My dad is one of 7. Being such a large family in such a small town, everyone knew my family growing up. We are "townies", born and raised in the same town my grandparents were born in. Most of the siblings remained in the area, all live in a short driving distance from each other. I grew up with 17 first cousins. Again the majority of us all getting together for each holiday. I have fond memories of massive Egg Hunts in my Grandmother's or my parent's backyard. Christmas Eve's at my Aunt Marcia's when my Uncle would dress up like Santa and deliver gifts. Christmases at my parent's or my Uncle Barry's. There were late nights with my Aunts and Uncles celebrating, drinking, dancing and playing games. I moved after graduation and I get back home sometimes, but it's not the same. I miss the days of all of us being together.
Of all my Aunts and Uncles, my Aunt Marcia was the one that made sure we all still got together. Despite her sometimes blunt way of talking, she was one of the most inclusive people I ever met. She never turned anyone away from a party or a meal, even if she was mad at you, you were still invited and made to feel welcome in only the way my Aunt Marcia could make you feel welcome.
As things typically happen after two people get married, my holidays started to become split between my family and Carmelo's family. We try and be fair and do every other year, but that means there are some holidays where it's just my mom, my dad and my brother at home. After years of having holidays filled with chaos and lots of people, it's a hard transition to all of a sudden be sitting at a table just the three of you. My Aunt Marcia understood this and would always without fail call my parents to make sure they knew they had a place to go if they didn't want to be alone. That always meant so much to me and breaks my heart now that it's gone.
My Aunt Marcia's house was always chaotic and not only did she not turn away friends and family, she never turned away a child either. For years my Aunt Marcia was a foster parent. She would take in babies and children in constant rotation, making sure they had a safe place to live. Her love of babies and children was admirable. She had three children of her own, but never turned a mouth away and eventually adopted three of the children that she fostered. Now having six children of her own. She was an amazing person.
After my Breast Cancer diagnosis, Aunt Marcia was one of the first to reach out to me. She checked in on me almost every other day, making sure I was still smiling and doing okay. So when she received her Cancer diagnosis right after me, I made sure to do the same for her. She was diagnosed with Lymphoma, an immune system cancer. We would talk about how we were feeling, what was ahead of us, how we would be bald together and most importantly how we were going to celebrate once our treatment was over. We were scared, but we were in this together and we were going to have the biggest party once our treatment was over. That celebration never happened. On May 12 we lost her.
It's a surreal feeling losing someone to a disease that you are battling at the same time. She wasn't supposed to die. We were supposed to beat cancer together. I'm not sure why I survived and she didn't. For the rest of my treatment, I felt like something was missing. Someone was missing. I missed her so much. I still miss her so much. Things just aren't the same with her gone. There is a void.
So May 12th was coming and I was dreading it until our blood work was scheduled for May 12, 2017. Blood work that would tell us if Stephanie was pregnant and the embryo implanted. On May 12, 2017, one year after losing my Aunt, we received the phone call that we were having a baby. There is no doubt in my mind, that my Aunt Marcia, the lover of babies has had a hand in making all this happen. Although I miss her so much and wish she was here to share this amazing news with, it's comforting to know I have an Angel watching over us and this baby. Aunt Marcia, We love you. We miss you.
Next up: July 7, 2017. The big 12 week ultrasound and also the one year anniversary of completing my chemo treatments.
May 12 was one of the Anniversary dates that I dreaded the most and ironically it was an Anniversary that had nothing to do with my cancer diagnosis or treatment. It was the Anniversary of losing my Aunt Marcia. Marcia is my dad's sister. My dad is one of 7. Being such a large family in such a small town, everyone knew my family growing up. We are "townies", born and raised in the same town my grandparents were born in. Most of the siblings remained in the area, all live in a short driving distance from each other. I grew up with 17 first cousins. Again the majority of us all getting together for each holiday. I have fond memories of massive Egg Hunts in my Grandmother's or my parent's backyard. Christmas Eve's at my Aunt Marcia's when my Uncle would dress up like Santa and deliver gifts. Christmases at my parent's or my Uncle Barry's. There were late nights with my Aunts and Uncles celebrating, drinking, dancing and playing games. I moved after graduation and I get back home sometimes, but it's not the same. I miss the days of all of us being together.
Of all my Aunts and Uncles, my Aunt Marcia was the one that made sure we all still got together. Despite her sometimes blunt way of talking, she was one of the most inclusive people I ever met. She never turned anyone away from a party or a meal, even if she was mad at you, you were still invited and made to feel welcome in only the way my Aunt Marcia could make you feel welcome.
As things typically happen after two people get married, my holidays started to become split between my family and Carmelo's family. We try and be fair and do every other year, but that means there are some holidays where it's just my mom, my dad and my brother at home. After years of having holidays filled with chaos and lots of people, it's a hard transition to all of a sudden be sitting at a table just the three of you. My Aunt Marcia understood this and would always without fail call my parents to make sure they knew they had a place to go if they didn't want to be alone. That always meant so much to me and breaks my heart now that it's gone.
My Aunt Marcia's house was always chaotic and not only did she not turn away friends and family, she never turned away a child either. For years my Aunt Marcia was a foster parent. She would take in babies and children in constant rotation, making sure they had a safe place to live. Her love of babies and children was admirable. She had three children of her own, but never turned a mouth away and eventually adopted three of the children that she fostered. Now having six children of her own. She was an amazing person.
After my Breast Cancer diagnosis, Aunt Marcia was one of the first to reach out to me. She checked in on me almost every other day, making sure I was still smiling and doing okay. So when she received her Cancer diagnosis right after me, I made sure to do the same for her. She was diagnosed with Lymphoma, an immune system cancer. We would talk about how we were feeling, what was ahead of us, how we would be bald together and most importantly how we were going to celebrate once our treatment was over. We were scared, but we were in this together and we were going to have the biggest party once our treatment was over. That celebration never happened. On May 12 we lost her.
It's a surreal feeling losing someone to a disease that you are battling at the same time. She wasn't supposed to die. We were supposed to beat cancer together. I'm not sure why I survived and she didn't. For the rest of my treatment, I felt like something was missing. Someone was missing. I missed her so much. I still miss her so much. Things just aren't the same with her gone. There is a void.
So May 12th was coming and I was dreading it until our blood work was scheduled for May 12, 2017. Blood work that would tell us if Stephanie was pregnant and the embryo implanted. On May 12, 2017, one year after losing my Aunt, we received the phone call that we were having a baby. There is no doubt in my mind, that my Aunt Marcia, the lover of babies has had a hand in making all this happen. Although I miss her so much and wish she was here to share this amazing news with, it's comforting to know I have an Angel watching over us and this baby. Aunt Marcia, We love you. We miss you.
Next up: July 7, 2017. The big 12 week ultrasound and also the one year anniversary of completing my chemo treatments.
Friday, June 9, 2017
Eight Weeks
We had our 8 week ultrasound today and you know what's amazing?! The baby looks great! Heartbeat is strong and everything is perfect. You know what sucks?! The trauma of our miscarriage takes all the excitement out of the ultrasounds. I walk into every ultrasound expecting to not see a heartbeat. I live in fear of the ultrasound. They make me anxious.
I really want to bring Eliza to an ultrasound appointment. But I am so afraid. What if there is no heartbeat? How would I explain that to Eliza? I don't think I would be strong enough to hold it together for Eliza not to see how sad I am.
I remember so clearly our 12 week ultrasound. Carmelo and I walked into the room so excited. For my pregnancy with Eliza this was our favorite ultrasound. She was a little jumping bean at 12 weeks and it was so much fun to see her moving so much. For the second baby, the technician put the ultrasound wand on my belly and up on the screen the baby popped. Not moving. Carmelo said "The baby must be sleeping." I remember looking away from the screen because I knew what I was seeing. Then the technician said "I'm sorry. I can't find a heartbeat." I have never been so sad. I have never seen my husband more sad. The whole thought just breaks my heart and I would never want to expose Eliza to that.
We have our next ultrasound scheduled for June 21. We will be 9.5 weeks pregnant. Our second baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. I'm hoping after the next ultrasound my fear will be lessened and I will be in a place to bring Eliza to the big 12 week appointment. But until then I am going to watch this video of my baby's heartbeat for the 1,000th time, celebrate the life that is growing because I am so in love already.
I really want to bring Eliza to an ultrasound appointment. But I am so afraid. What if there is no heartbeat? How would I explain that to Eliza? I don't think I would be strong enough to hold it together for Eliza not to see how sad I am.
I remember so clearly our 12 week ultrasound. Carmelo and I walked into the room so excited. For my pregnancy with Eliza this was our favorite ultrasound. She was a little jumping bean at 12 weeks and it was so much fun to see her moving so much. For the second baby, the technician put the ultrasound wand on my belly and up on the screen the baby popped. Not moving. Carmelo said "The baby must be sleeping." I remember looking away from the screen because I knew what I was seeing. Then the technician said "I'm sorry. I can't find a heartbeat." I have never been so sad. I have never seen my husband more sad. The whole thought just breaks my heart and I would never want to expose Eliza to that.
We have our next ultrasound scheduled for June 21. We will be 9.5 weeks pregnant. Our second baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. I'm hoping after the next ultrasound my fear will be lessened and I will be in a place to bring Eliza to the big 12 week appointment. But until then I am going to watch this video of my baby's heartbeat for the 1,000th time, celebrate the life that is growing because I am so in love already.
Sunday, June 4, 2017
Race for the Cure
This Saturday was Hartford's Race for the Cure. For the second year in a row my team was recognized as a top fundraising team and I was a top individual fundraiser. In two years my team has raised $14,300 to help fund local Breast Cancer programs. I'm really proud of the fundraising work I have done because even though I received my treatment in Boston, it was the diagnosis here in Connecticut that saved my life. And any chance where I can give back, I want to.
This year I also made the commitment to run the 5k. As a survivor you are constantly struggling with who you were before and who you are after treatment and finding a balance. Running was a part of who I was before my diagnosis and I thought Race for the Cure was as good a time as any to try and get myself back. I am happy to report I finished and my time wasn't that terrible either.
A couple weeks ago I had asked Stephanie if she would join us. I was so happy when she said she would go. The day just felt complete having my whole little family there. It was also a nice opportunity for her to meet my parents and since her mom and sister decided to join Stephanie I got to meet them too! I don't think that the introductions could have gone any better. It really was a perfect day.
This year I also made the commitment to run the 5k. As a survivor you are constantly struggling with who you were before and who you are after treatment and finding a balance. Running was a part of who I was before my diagnosis and I thought Race for the Cure was as good a time as any to try and get myself back. I am happy to report I finished and my time wasn't that terrible either.
A couple weeks ago I had asked Stephanie if she would join us. I was so happy when she said she would go. The day just felt complete having my whole little family there. It was also a nice opportunity for her to meet my parents and since her mom and sister decided to join Stephanie I got to meet them too! I don't think that the introductions could have gone any better. It really was a perfect day.
 |
| Our Little Family Before The Race Started |
 |
| With My Parents |
 |
| I swear she was excited to be there. |
 |
| This weekend also marked our 6th Wedding Anniversary. We take the same photo in our backyard every year. |
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
There is a Heartbeat
It's amazing how much the baby has grown in just a week. A week ago we were at the doctor's searching for anything to confirm the baby was still there, today, one week later, there was so much to see. And we were able to see the most important thing of all...the heartbeat.
Going into today's ultrasound, I'd be lying to say I wasn't a nervous wreck. After last week I just wouldn't allow myself to get to a place where I was 100% confident the baby was okay, but today, seeing that little flutter on the screen allowed me to take the deepest sigh of relief. Our baby is okay and at 138 beats per minute, the baby is actually very okay.
And now we are going into the weekend with the exciting news of a heartbeat. This weekend is the Hartford's Komen Race for a Cure. My parents will be there with some of our close friends and family and I am so excited that Stephanie and the baby will also be joining us, along with her mom and sister!. There will be so much to celebrate and I am forever thankful that our little family of four will all be there participating in something very special to me
Added bonus Sunday is our 6th Wedding Anniversary. Like I said so much to celebrate!
Going into today's ultrasound, I'd be lying to say I wasn't a nervous wreck. After last week I just wouldn't allow myself to get to a place where I was 100% confident the baby was okay, but today, seeing that little flutter on the screen allowed me to take the deepest sigh of relief. Our baby is okay and at 138 beats per minute, the baby is actually very okay.
 |
| A video of the heartbeat and our ultrasound photo |
And now we are going into the weekend with the exciting news of a heartbeat. This weekend is the Hartford's Komen Race for a Cure. My parents will be there with some of our close friends and family and I am so excited that Stephanie and the baby will also be joining us, along with her mom and sister!. There will be so much to celebrate and I am forever thankful that our little family of four will all be there participating in something very special to me
Added bonus Sunday is our 6th Wedding Anniversary. Like I said so much to celebrate!
 |
| Last Year's Komen Walk |
Monday, May 22, 2017
Things Not to Say to The Intended Parents (specifically the Mother)
Things are progressing as they should! Stephanie's bloodwork last Tuesday was above where it needed to be and I got a text message today saying that exhaustion is setting in...which means her body is housing a baby! So we could not be happier and have been slowly letting family and close friends know where we are at with the process.
We have the best support system and everyone has expressed their excitement for us. But even among the excitement and the hugs and the tears I still get some comments that take me back. They are never ill tended and are often followed by awkward silence after they realize what they have said, but the comments sting so I thought I would share what has hurt so if others are faced with news from an Intended Mother that her surrogate is pregnant they will avoid these statements.
1) "How awesome you can still drink!" - This is probably the most common statement that I get when I share our news of expanding our family thru surrogacy. It baffles me that people put that much emphasis on being pregnant and alcohol. It's no secret I enjoy a glass of wine or beer, but I would give it all up in a second if it meant I could carry my own baby.
2) "Lucky! You get to have a baby and not get fat!" - Similar to the first comment, I would do anything to be able to carry my own baby, this includes gaining the pregnancy weight. In fact, I lost weight when I was pregnant with Eliza...see Number One, remember you can't drink when you're pregnant, so although I gained a baby belly, I lost the beer one and kept it off until Eliza's 9 month sleep regression...which at that time the only thing that kept me going was caffeine and chocolate. Which brings me to the third comment.
3) "Since you aren't going thru the whole birthing process, you won't be exhausted." - Oh I didn't realize that the only part of having a baby that caused exhaustion was the actual act of delivery, not the feedings every 2 hours, or late nights when babies think it's a good time to have a party or scream for hours on end. Phew. Lucky me.
4) "You'll have all that time off and not have to worry about your recovery" - News Flash, since I am not the one going through the act of delivery guess what else I don't get...Short Term Disability. Guess what I do get? Two weeks paid. Yep. Two weeks. Lucky me again. I plan on writing a separate post on this topic and our lack of Paid Family Leave in this country, so I'll save the rant for another day, but yeah instead of the 8 weeks I would have got with my C-Section delivery, I get TWO.
I'm sure there will be more comments made, but these are the ones I have heard the most. So, if someone shares with you the news of expanding their family thru surrogacy, just remember chances are they didn't get there because they wanted to, chances are it was their only option. So if someone shares with you their surrogate is pregnant...Squeal with excitement. Shout CONGRATULATIONS! Cry tears of joy. Give them hugs. There is no need for anything other than that.
We have the best support system and everyone has expressed their excitement for us. But even among the excitement and the hugs and the tears I still get some comments that take me back. They are never ill tended and are often followed by awkward silence after they realize what they have said, but the comments sting so I thought I would share what has hurt so if others are faced with news from an Intended Mother that her surrogate is pregnant they will avoid these statements.
1) "How awesome you can still drink!" - This is probably the most common statement that I get when I share our news of expanding our family thru surrogacy. It baffles me that people put that much emphasis on being pregnant and alcohol. It's no secret I enjoy a glass of wine or beer, but I would give it all up in a second if it meant I could carry my own baby.
2) "Lucky! You get to have a baby and not get fat!" - Similar to the first comment, I would do anything to be able to carry my own baby, this includes gaining the pregnancy weight. In fact, I lost weight when I was pregnant with Eliza...see Number One, remember you can't drink when you're pregnant, so although I gained a baby belly, I lost the beer one and kept it off until Eliza's 9 month sleep regression...which at that time the only thing that kept me going was caffeine and chocolate. Which brings me to the third comment.
3) "Since you aren't going thru the whole birthing process, you won't be exhausted." - Oh I didn't realize that the only part of having a baby that caused exhaustion was the actual act of delivery, not the feedings every 2 hours, or late nights when babies think it's a good time to have a party or scream for hours on end. Phew. Lucky me.
4) "You'll have all that time off and not have to worry about your recovery" - News Flash, since I am not the one going through the act of delivery guess what else I don't get...Short Term Disability. Guess what I do get? Two weeks paid. Yep. Two weeks. Lucky me again. I plan on writing a separate post on this topic and our lack of Paid Family Leave in this country, so I'll save the rant for another day, but yeah instead of the 8 weeks I would have got with my C-Section delivery, I get TWO.
I'm sure there will be more comments made, but these are the ones I have heard the most. So, if someone shares with you the news of expanding their family thru surrogacy, just remember chances are they didn't get there because they wanted to, chances are it was their only option. So if someone shares with you their surrogate is pregnant...Squeal with excitement. Shout CONGRATULATIONS! Cry tears of joy. Give them hugs. There is no need for anything other than that.
Monday, May 15, 2017
This Mother's Day
This Mother's Day felt different. Last year turned into my Cancer coming out party. Carmelo took one of my favorite photos of Eliza and I at Elizabeth Park and when I shared it on Facebook, there was no turning back, it was out there. Eliza's mom has cancer.
Fast forward a year and so much has changed. I beat cancer. It's gone. But I also found out I couldn't carry another baby. So it isn't just the cancer that is gone, but also the hope of getting pregnant.
It's a strange feeling being told your first child is your last. There was no planning or preparation for it. I didn't go thru my pregnancy with Eliza thinking "I need to remember how everything feels because this is my last time." I'm thankful that Eliza was such an easy pregnancy and I enjoyed every second of it. I never complained. Never felt sick. Never felt more beautiful than when I was pregnant. If I could have been pregnant 100 times, I would have. I loved it. But although I enjoyed it, I don't think I took the time to really appreciate it and mentally capture every moment. I would have taken more pictures, which I have thousands, but it doesn't feel like enough. I would have taken more videos of the way my belly moved when she would kick or roll over. Being told you will never be pregnant again, when you haven't had a chance to prepare, really makes you not take all those small things for granted. I just wish I knew that 4 years ago.
Now we have the most amazing gift in that we froze embryos and we found the most perfect surrogate. So although my dream of being pregnant is gone, the chance of expanding our family isn't. And what that has taught me is, you don't need to carry a baby or birth a baby to be a mother. Friday was our big day. I went with Stephanie first thing in the morning to get her bloodwork. This bloodwork would measure her hCG levels and tell us if the embryo we had transferred had implanted and if in fact she was pregnant. Waiting for that phone call felt like it took forever. It was the longest four hours of my life. But the nurse called and we got the news we wanted to hear. WE WERE HAVING A BABY!
When I heard those words, my whole body collapsed and I cried. I cried because every prayer we had said was answered. And I was going to get to be a mother again.
So this pregnancy will be different. I'll never feel this baby kick from the inside, I won't be able to talk to this baby every night or sit in the rocker singing "you are my sunshine" like I did for Eliza. But I hold onto to the thought of when we meet our baby for the first time and I am so thankful for that moment. My motherhood story with Eliza will be so much different than my story with our next child. I may not carry this baby in my belly, but I have carried this baby in my heart for so, so, SO long. And that is the Mother's love this baby will know and feel.
So this Mother's Day was different because there was so much to be celebrating.
 |
| Mother's Day 2016 |
Fast forward a year and so much has changed. I beat cancer. It's gone. But I also found out I couldn't carry another baby. So it isn't just the cancer that is gone, but also the hope of getting pregnant.
It's a strange feeling being told your first child is your last. There was no planning or preparation for it. I didn't go thru my pregnancy with Eliza thinking "I need to remember how everything feels because this is my last time." I'm thankful that Eliza was such an easy pregnancy and I enjoyed every second of it. I never complained. Never felt sick. Never felt more beautiful than when I was pregnant. If I could have been pregnant 100 times, I would have. I loved it. But although I enjoyed it, I don't think I took the time to really appreciate it and mentally capture every moment. I would have taken more pictures, which I have thousands, but it doesn't feel like enough. I would have taken more videos of the way my belly moved when she would kick or roll over. Being told you will never be pregnant again, when you haven't had a chance to prepare, really makes you not take all those small things for granted. I just wish I knew that 4 years ago.
 |
| 6 Months Pregnant (in August) with Eliza |
Now we have the most amazing gift in that we froze embryos and we found the most perfect surrogate. So although my dream of being pregnant is gone, the chance of expanding our family isn't. And what that has taught me is, you don't need to carry a baby or birth a baby to be a mother. Friday was our big day. I went with Stephanie first thing in the morning to get her bloodwork. This bloodwork would measure her hCG levels and tell us if the embryo we had transferred had implanted and if in fact she was pregnant. Waiting for that phone call felt like it took forever. It was the longest four hours of my life. But the nurse called and we got the news we wanted to hear. WE WERE HAVING A BABY!
When I heard those words, my whole body collapsed and I cried. I cried because every prayer we had said was answered. And I was going to get to be a mother again.
So this pregnancy will be different. I'll never feel this baby kick from the inside, I won't be able to talk to this baby every night or sit in the rocker singing "you are my sunshine" like I did for Eliza. But I hold onto to the thought of when we meet our baby for the first time and I am so thankful for that moment. My motherhood story with Eliza will be so much different than my story with our next child. I may not carry this baby in my belly, but I have carried this baby in my heart for so, so, SO long. And that is the Mother's love this baby will know and feel.
So this Mother's Day was different because there was so much to be celebrating.
Wednesday, May 3, 2017
Embryo Transfer Day
The transfer is complete!
I do not have the words to describe how happy we are today. After everything we have been through, it's finally all happening.
The day started off as normal as possible. We got Eliza fed, dressed and off to school, telling her that after today, her baby brother or sister is going to be in Stephanie's belly. She is so beyond excited to become a big sister.
I worked for a couple hours and then Carmelo and I took a walk. On our walk we talked about how blessed we are and that we feel so lucky that this day was finally here. Around 10:20, we got in the car and headed over to the fertility clinic. Upon our arrival and before we exited the car, we said a quick prayer asking for Stephanie and the baby to be protected thru this process. We took a deep breath and headed it.
Stephanie and her husband were already there and just like every other time we have got together with them, we embraced and smiled and were both so excited for what's ahead. The clinic was running a little behind, so it gave us more time to talk. I love how much Carmelo and Stephanie's husband get along.
Eventually the nurse came and got Stephanie and I. She changed and the nurses went over a couple things and then brought in the husbands. The doctor came in and gave us "Baby's First Photo", a close up of our embryo. After going thru the procedure and any questions, Stephanie was escorted back to the transfer room and 15 minutes later was wheeled back in. Embryo transferred!
Stephanie had to lay down for about 20 minutes, but after that the nurse said we were free to go. That was it...the day we had been waiting so long for was over...and now we wait...
Next up we are scheduled for the pregnancy test to confirm the pregnancy on May 12. Pray for us.
I do not have the words to describe how happy we are today. After everything we have been through, it's finally all happening.
The day started off as normal as possible. We got Eliza fed, dressed and off to school, telling her that after today, her baby brother or sister is going to be in Stephanie's belly. She is so beyond excited to become a big sister.
 |
| Eliza can't wait for her Baby Brother or Sister, but she still has to go to school |
Stephanie and her husband were already there and just like every other time we have got together with them, we embraced and smiled and were both so excited for what's ahead. The clinic was running a little behind, so it gave us more time to talk. I love how much Carmelo and Stephanie's husband get along.
Eventually the nurse came and got Stephanie and I. She changed and the nurses went over a couple things and then brought in the husbands. The doctor came in and gave us "Baby's First Photo", a close up of our embryo. After going thru the procedure and any questions, Stephanie was escorted back to the transfer room and 15 minutes later was wheeled back in. Embryo transferred!
 |
| Our Team |
 |
| Our embryo |
Next up we are scheduled for the pregnancy test to confirm the pregnancy on May 12. Pray for us.
"I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new, that's what faith can do."
 |
| See that little speck? Right there? That's our baby! Transfer completed! |
Tuesday, May 2, 2017
Introducing The Kids
So much has been going into preparing my family for what's to come. We have bought books that we have read to Eliza to help her understand that a new baby is coming, but the baby won't be in Mommy's tummy. She knows our surrogate by name, Stephanie, and we talk about her and her family openingly. We show her pictures of Stephanie and her family so she can recognize them.
Going into this we didn't have any expectations about the relationship we were going to have with the surrogate and her family. We wanted any sort of relationship to happen naturally and if one didn't happen that was okay too. I could tell immediately upon meeting Stephanie that we would develop a relationship beyond the next year. But for us, Carmelo and I, it took us a while to let our guard down. We have both been thru so much in the last two years. Between losing a pregnancy and my cancer diagnosis, it's been hard for us to truly believe that good things are happening.
Between doctor's appointments and our mandated psych evaluations, we have seen Stephanie and her husband quite a bit, but we hadn't introduced Eliza to them or her kids. We talked about wanting everyone to get together, but Carmelo and I needed to be in a good, secure place before we could let the introduction happen. I want Eliza to know her and I want her kids to know us. It's important for Eliza to see who will be helping us grow our family and it's important for her kids to see who their mommy is helping. This is going to have a big impact on them as well. So the weekend before the embryo transfer we arranged for our families to get together and it couldn't have gone better.
We met at a local farm and the kids immediately hit it off. Ice was broken over the kids (and adults) shared love of Munchkins and from there, they were running around, feeding the animals, riding the horses, snacking some more and talking about their favorite topic, poop. I'm pretty sure Eliza and Stephanie's middle are spirit animals and didn't stop giggling about poop and pee the entire day.
It was the perfect day and just makes us so much more excited for tomorrow, Embryo Transfer Day! and what this year is going to bring for us.
Going into this we didn't have any expectations about the relationship we were going to have with the surrogate and her family. We wanted any sort of relationship to happen naturally and if one didn't happen that was okay too. I could tell immediately upon meeting Stephanie that we would develop a relationship beyond the next year. But for us, Carmelo and I, it took us a while to let our guard down. We have both been thru so much in the last two years. Between losing a pregnancy and my cancer diagnosis, it's been hard for us to truly believe that good things are happening.
Between doctor's appointments and our mandated psych evaluations, we have seen Stephanie and her husband quite a bit, but we hadn't introduced Eliza to them or her kids. We talked about wanting everyone to get together, but Carmelo and I needed to be in a good, secure place before we could let the introduction happen. I want Eliza to know her and I want her kids to know us. It's important for Eliza to see who will be helping us grow our family and it's important for her kids to see who their mommy is helping. This is going to have a big impact on them as well. So the weekend before the embryo transfer we arranged for our families to get together and it couldn't have gone better.
We met at a local farm and the kids immediately hit it off. Ice was broken over the kids (and adults) shared love of Munchkins and from there, they were running around, feeding the animals, riding the horses, snacking some more and talking about their favorite topic, poop. I'm pretty sure Eliza and Stephanie's middle are spirit animals and didn't stop giggling about poop and pee the entire day.
It was the perfect day and just makes us so much more excited for tomorrow, Embryo Transfer Day! and what this year is going to bring for us.
 |
| Looking At The Pigs |
 |
| Waiting for Their Horse Ride And Probably Talking About Poop |
 |
| Most Likely Talking About Poop |
Monday, January 9, 2017
How Lucky Are We?
For all the unlucky events that had to take place, we still feel so lucky.
October 2014 we had experienced a miscarriage. We went in for the 12 week ultra-sound and there was no heartbeat. It was devastating. It was recommended I have a D&C. What should have been a pretty routine procedure took hours and needed two doctors. Apparently my cervix is angled awkwardly. Awesome. To further complicate things, my body retained some of the tissue. Even more awesome. Because of how complicated the D&C was, the potential risk of hurting my cervix was too great, so it was recommended to just wait and pass it naturally.
It's really hard to mentally heal when your body hasn't physically healed. For 3 months I had to go for weekly blood work and every two weeks for ultra-sounds. There is nothing worse than having to go to the maternity ward for ultra-sounds, surrounded by excited pregnant woman, after a miscarriage. I had to go to 5 of them. Why this is so important is because when my body had finally healed physically in January, it took a couple months to mentally be ready to start trying again. But we got there and we tried and tried, with no success. After months of trying, I started to wonder if maybe the complicated D&C had something to do with our failure to get pregnant. So we started to work with a fertility clinic. After more blood work, more ultrasounds and a HSG test, the clinic said everything looks normal, just keep trying and if you want some help give us a call. That good news came on a Friday...exactly one week before my breast cancer diagnosis.
When I received my cancer diagnosis, one of my first questions was "What does this mean for me and pregnancy?" Doctors had a hard time answering that. Sometimes chemo puts you into early menopause, my cancer just happened to be Estrogen and Progesterone positive, so being pregnant would feed the cancer (so thank God I wasn't pregnant at the time). My oncologist at St. Francis Hospital did not support my request to freeze embryos. Because I was Stage 3 they wanted me to start chemo immediately. Thankfully I was able to get a second opinion at Mass General Hospital, with one of the top surgeons in the country. She along with my medical oncologist said, "We see this all the time, go do what you need to do and call us when you're done." I cried. I was so happy. There was a glimmer of hope that we could still have another baby...one day.
So again why was the unlucky miscarriage so lucky? Because we had already been working with a fertility clinic, I had a fertility doctor, I had a file. My cycle was timed perfectly with my diagnosis. I called the clinic, told them plans have changed...I have cancer and we need to freeze embryos. I was able to start injections that day. It was amazing. After two weeks of injections, lots more blood work and an egg retrieval, we successfully froze three embryos. Three chances to grow our family. How lucky are we?
When we were going through the pain of the miscarriage one of the hardest things to hear was "these things happen for a reason." When you are a mourning mother it is the last thing you want to hear. At the time I didn't want there to be a reason for my loss, I just wanted my baby back. But now I can see the loss of our baby brought us to where we are now. And this is supposed to be our story. This new baby that we are about to celebrate is meant to be here and change the world.
October 2014 we had experienced a miscarriage. We went in for the 12 week ultra-sound and there was no heartbeat. It was devastating. It was recommended I have a D&C. What should have been a pretty routine procedure took hours and needed two doctors. Apparently my cervix is angled awkwardly. Awesome. To further complicate things, my body retained some of the tissue. Even more awesome. Because of how complicated the D&C was, the potential risk of hurting my cervix was too great, so it was recommended to just wait and pass it naturally.
It's really hard to mentally heal when your body hasn't physically healed. For 3 months I had to go for weekly blood work and every two weeks for ultra-sounds. There is nothing worse than having to go to the maternity ward for ultra-sounds, surrounded by excited pregnant woman, after a miscarriage. I had to go to 5 of them. Why this is so important is because when my body had finally healed physically in January, it took a couple months to mentally be ready to start trying again. But we got there and we tried and tried, with no success. After months of trying, I started to wonder if maybe the complicated D&C had something to do with our failure to get pregnant. So we started to work with a fertility clinic. After more blood work, more ultrasounds and a HSG test, the clinic said everything looks normal, just keep trying and if you want some help give us a call. That good news came on a Friday...exactly one week before my breast cancer diagnosis.
 |
| My favorite picture of us as a family of four. I was 11 weeks pregnant. |
When I received my cancer diagnosis, one of my first questions was "What does this mean for me and pregnancy?" Doctors had a hard time answering that. Sometimes chemo puts you into early menopause, my cancer just happened to be Estrogen and Progesterone positive, so being pregnant would feed the cancer (so thank God I wasn't pregnant at the time). My oncologist at St. Francis Hospital did not support my request to freeze embryos. Because I was Stage 3 they wanted me to start chemo immediately. Thankfully I was able to get a second opinion at Mass General Hospital, with one of the top surgeons in the country. She along with my medical oncologist said, "We see this all the time, go do what you need to do and call us when you're done." I cried. I was so happy. There was a glimmer of hope that we could still have another baby...one day.
So again why was the unlucky miscarriage so lucky? Because we had already been working with a fertility clinic, I had a fertility doctor, I had a file. My cycle was timed perfectly with my diagnosis. I called the clinic, told them plans have changed...I have cancer and we need to freeze embryos. I was able to start injections that day. It was amazing. After two weeks of injections, lots more blood work and an egg retrieval, we successfully froze three embryos. Three chances to grow our family. How lucky are we?
When we were going through the pain of the miscarriage one of the hardest things to hear was "these things happen for a reason." When you are a mourning mother it is the last thing you want to hear. At the time I didn't want there to be a reason for my loss, I just wanted my baby back. But now I can see the loss of our baby brought us to where we are now. And this is supposed to be our story. This new baby that we are about to celebrate is meant to be here and change the world.
Sunday, January 8, 2017
Our First Meeting
Still asking myself if yesterday really happened.
We braved the first major snow storm of the year to meet the surrogate and her husband for the first time. What would normally take 30-40 minutes took us an hour and a half. Highways were shutdown, there were spin outs and accidents everywhere, but that didn't stop us. We drove white knuckle at 24 mph and eventually got there.
We had already read her profile that was provided by the surrogacy agency, she read ours. We had talked on the phone about a week and a half ago and meeting her and her husband in person just solidified what we already knew, she was the one. We are still pinching ourselves that we found someone so perfect, so quickly. There is no doubt in my mind that she will love and take care of our baby for the next nine months, the same way I would have, if I could. And no doubt that through it all, she will have the love and support of her husband, which was just as important to us as finding the right carrier.
At a time when there is so much negativity in the world that you are constantly having to censor what you read and listen to because quite frankly it's all too much, it's reassuring to know that there are still good...still really good people in this world.
So this is it. It's really happening. We are having a baby! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
We braved the first major snow storm of the year to meet the surrogate and her husband for the first time. What would normally take 30-40 minutes took us an hour and a half. Highways were shutdown, there were spin outs and accidents everywhere, but that didn't stop us. We drove white knuckle at 24 mph and eventually got there.
 |
| Picture posted by the State Police of the highway situation |
At a time when there is so much negativity in the world that you are constantly having to censor what you read and listen to because quite frankly it's all too much, it's reassuring to know that there are still good...still really good people in this world.
So this is it. It's really happening. We are having a baby! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Friday, January 6, 2017
This is me
Hi! I'm Meghan and this is my first blog post. I plan to use this space to document my family's journey to become a family of four through surrogacy. I'm hoping my daughter and our future child will be able to look back on how hard we fought for this family. I'm hoping that maybe through sharing our story I can help others that are thinking about surrogacy.
I am 36 (God that sounds old) I am a wife. I am lucky that my husband does the cooking, washes dishes, starts my car on cold mornings and loves on me and our daughter.
I am a mom. Our daughter just turned 3 in November. She is spunky, funny and brilliant.
We live in New England, in a typical suburban neighborhood. Both my husband and I work in insurance and lead relatively normal lives. I love spending time with family and friends. I love playing and watching sports and being active. I hate running, but find it to be what I turn to when I need to unwind. I have run 5ks, 10ks, and a half marathon. I love maxi dresses and Kendra Scott jewelry. I'm more of a Spring and Fall girl, but love the beach and hope to call the Shoreline my home one day.
If you had asked me a year ago if this was ever going to be the path my life would take I would have said you're crazy. But as life does we got thrown a curve ball in February 2016.
It was Tuesday February 9, I had finally scheduled an appointment with my OB/GYN to have the lump on my breast looked at. It was something I found and had been monitoring, but truthfully thought nothing of it. I'm 36, healthy and no family history. It couldn't possibly be cancer. But after my doctor gave it a feel, she sent me immediately for a mammogram and ultra-sound. Thinking I wouldn't get results that day, I told my husband to stay home and that I would just drive over to the Radiology building by myself. I didn't have to be a doctor to see the enlarged lymph nodes on the screen and know I was about to get some pretty bad news. The tech told me to sit still and that she would see if she could get a doctor to look at my images. The phone rang in the room and I knew it was the doctor and as expected the news wasn't good. He said a bunch of technical stuff, rambled off some building at St. Francis Hospital that I needed to go to and a name of a doctor I needed to see. I didn't remember any of it. After the phone hung up I just sat there in my johnny not moving. Before I left I stopped at the receptionist's desk to get all the information again and this time asked if they could write it down, got in the car and called my husband. "We need to go to St. Francis Hospital immediately."
Once we were there, we scheduled a biopsy for Thursday for both the breast and lymph nodes and by Friday evening my phone was ringing confirming it was cancer. In less than 72 hours my life had completely changed. At the time we had been trying to expand our family. As much as I should have been focusing on my cancer diagnosis all I could think about was "what does this mean for our family?" This can't be happening. We are meant to have another child. Our daughter is meant to have a sibling. Then I remembered Giuliana Rancic's story and knew what I needed to do. I needed to freeze embryos.
Dramatic. I know.
I am 36 (God that sounds old) I am a wife. I am lucky that my husband does the cooking, washes dishes, starts my car on cold mornings and loves on me and our daughter.
I am a mom. Our daughter just turned 3 in November. She is spunky, funny and brilliant.
We live in New England, in a typical suburban neighborhood. Both my husband and I work in insurance and lead relatively normal lives. I love spending time with family and friends. I love playing and watching sports and being active. I hate running, but find it to be what I turn to when I need to unwind. I have run 5ks, 10ks, and a half marathon. I love maxi dresses and Kendra Scott jewelry. I'm more of a Spring and Fall girl, but love the beach and hope to call the Shoreline my home one day.
 |
| Taken February 28. Just weeks after my diagnosis and in the middle of IVF. |
If you had asked me a year ago if this was ever going to be the path my life would take I would have said you're crazy. But as life does we got thrown a curve ball in February 2016.
It was Tuesday February 9, I had finally scheduled an appointment with my OB/GYN to have the lump on my breast looked at. It was something I found and had been monitoring, but truthfully thought nothing of it. I'm 36, healthy and no family history. It couldn't possibly be cancer. But after my doctor gave it a feel, she sent me immediately for a mammogram and ultra-sound. Thinking I wouldn't get results that day, I told my husband to stay home and that I would just drive over to the Radiology building by myself. I didn't have to be a doctor to see the enlarged lymph nodes on the screen and know I was about to get some pretty bad news. The tech told me to sit still and that she would see if she could get a doctor to look at my images. The phone rang in the room and I knew it was the doctor and as expected the news wasn't good. He said a bunch of technical stuff, rambled off some building at St. Francis Hospital that I needed to go to and a name of a doctor I needed to see. I didn't remember any of it. After the phone hung up I just sat there in my johnny not moving. Before I left I stopped at the receptionist's desk to get all the information again and this time asked if they could write it down, got in the car and called my husband. "We need to go to St. Francis Hospital immediately."
Once we were there, we scheduled a biopsy for Thursday for both the breast and lymph nodes and by Friday evening my phone was ringing confirming it was cancer. In less than 72 hours my life had completely changed. At the time we had been trying to expand our family. As much as I should have been focusing on my cancer diagnosis all I could think about was "what does this mean for our family?" This can't be happening. We are meant to have another child. Our daughter is meant to have a sibling. Then I remembered Giuliana Rancic's story and knew what I needed to do. I needed to freeze embryos.
Dramatic. I know.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
She's Here!
Sorry there hasn't been an update for some time. Truthfully, we were enjoying being a family of four and settling in with our little mir...
