Things Not to Say to The Intended Parents (specifically the Mother)

Things are progressing as they should! Stephanie's bloodwork last Tuesday was above where it needed to be and I got a text message today saying that exhaustion is setting in...which means her body is housing a baby! So we could not be happier and have been slowly letting family and close friends know where we are at with the process.

We have the best support system and everyone has expressed their excitement for us. But even among the excitement and the hugs and the tears I still get some comments that take me back. They are never ill tended and are often followed by awkward silence after they realize what they have said, but the comments sting so I thought I would share what has hurt so if others are faced with news from an Intended Mother that her surrogate is pregnant they will avoid these statements.

1) "How awesome you can still drink!" - This is probably the most common statement that I get when I share our news of expanding our family thru surrogacy. It baffles me that people put that much emphasis on being pregnant and alcohol. It's no secret I enjoy a glass of wine or beer, but I would give it all up in a second if it meant I could carry my own baby.

2) "Lucky! You get to have a baby and not get fat!" - Similar to the first comment, I would do anything to be able to carry my own baby, this includes gaining the pregnancy weight. In fact, I lost weight when I was pregnant with Eliza...see Number One, remember you can't drink when you're pregnant, so although I gained a baby belly, I lost the beer one and kept it off until Eliza's 9 month sleep regression...which at that time the only thing that kept me going was caffeine and chocolate. Which brings me to the third comment.

3) "Since you aren't going thru the whole birthing process, you won't be exhausted." - Oh I didn't realize that the only part of having a baby that caused exhaustion was the actual act of delivery, not the feedings every 2 hours, or late nights when babies think it's a good time to have a party or scream for hours on end. Phew. Lucky me.

4) "You'll have all that time off and not have to worry about your recovery" - News Flash, since I am not the one going through the act of delivery guess what else I don't get...Short Term Disability. Guess what I do get? Two weeks paid. Yep. Two weeks. Lucky me again. I plan on writing a separate post on this topic and our lack of Paid Family Leave in this country, so I'll save the rant for another day, but yeah instead of the 8 weeks I would have got with my C-Section delivery, I get TWO.

I'm sure there will be more comments made, but these are the ones I have heard the most. So, if someone shares with you the news of expanding their family thru surrogacy, just remember chances are they didn't get there because they wanted to, chances are it was their only option. So if someone shares with you their surrogate is pregnant...Squeal with excitement. Shout CONGRATULATIONS! Cry tears of joy. Give them hugs. There is no need for anything other than that.