Making Lemonade

"When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade"

This post is long overdue but back in July, Carmelo, Eliza and I went out to Stephanie and Eric's home to support the boys' Lemonade Stand. This was the second year that Stephanie and the boys had a lemonade stand where the proceeds went to a charity. This year Stephanie and the boys picked "Bikers Against Animal Cruelty" and they raised $772!

It was truly inspiring to see how the community came out to support them and continued to reinforce how amazing Stephanie is and the impact she has on other's lives.

Carmelo's Family Meets Stephanie

This weekend we had family over to meet Stephanie and her family. Since the family was all going to be there we also decided to buy some balloons and a cake and make it's Eliza's Birthday Party.

The evening went perfectly. Everyone absolutely loved Stephanie. Eliza and her boys continue to amaze me how much they just naturally get along.

Eliza is also starting to make the connection of Stephanie's belly and her sibling. She couldn't get enough of Stephanie's belly. Touching it, hugging it and giving it kisses. It made my heart so happy to see how natural it was for Eliza to interact with the baby.  I continue to feel so thankful and blessed to have found someone to help us grow our family. There are moments of wishing that things could be different. Wishing Eliza would be able to interact with the baby belly everyday. Wishing it was my belly growing. But I know that is not our path and this is what was meant to be. And I continue to focus on that moment of holding our baby for the first time. A moment that would not be possible without my amazing doctors and Stephanie.

So Happy (early) Birthday Eliza! I hope you had the most amazing day! Love you Bunny Boos.

Eight Weeks

We had our 8 week ultrasound today and you know what's amazing?! The baby looks great! Heartbeat is strong and everything is perfect. You know what sucks?! The trauma of our miscarriage takes all the excitement out of the ultrasounds. I walk into every ultrasound expecting to not see a heartbeat. I live in fear of the ultrasound. They make me anxious.

I really want to bring Eliza to an ultrasound appointment. But I am so afraid. What if there is no heartbeat? How would I explain that to Eliza? I don't think I would be strong enough to hold it together for Eliza not to see how sad I am.

I remember so clearly our 12 week ultrasound. Carmelo and I walked into the room so excited. For my pregnancy with Eliza this was our favorite ultrasound. She was a little jumping bean at 12 weeks and it was so much fun to see her moving so much. For the second baby, the technician put the ultrasound wand on my belly and up on the screen the baby popped. Not moving. Carmelo said "The baby must be sleeping." I remember looking away from the screen because I knew what I was seeing. Then the technician said "I'm sorry. I can't find a heartbeat." I have never been so sad. I have never seen my husband more sad. The whole thought just breaks my heart and I would never want to expose Eliza to that.

We have our  next ultrasound scheduled for June 21. We will be 9.5 weeks pregnant. Our second baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. I'm hoping after the next ultrasound my fear will be lessened and I will be in a place to bring Eliza to the big 12 week appointment. But until then I am going to watch this video of my baby's heartbeat for the 1,000th time, celebrate the life that is growing because I am so in love already.

Things Not to Say to The Intended Parents (specifically the Mother)

Things are progressing as they should! Stephanie's bloodwork last Tuesday was above where it needed to be and I got a text message today saying that exhaustion is setting in...which means her body is housing a baby! So we could not be happier and have been slowly letting family and close friends know where we are at with the process.

We have the best support system and everyone has expressed their excitement for us. But even among the excitement and the hugs and the tears I still get some comments that take me back. They are never ill tended and are often followed by awkward silence after they realize what they have said, but the comments sting so I thought I would share what has hurt so if others are faced with news from an Intended Mother that her surrogate is pregnant they will avoid these statements.

1) "How awesome you can still drink!" - This is probably the most common statement that I get when I share our news of expanding our family thru surrogacy. It baffles me that people put that much emphasis on being pregnant and alcohol. It's no secret I enjoy a glass of wine or beer, but I would give it all up in a second if it meant I could carry my own baby.

2) "Lucky! You get to have a baby and not get fat!" - Similar to the first comment, I would do anything to be able to carry my own baby, this includes gaining the pregnancy weight. In fact, I lost weight when I was pregnant with Eliza...see Number One, remember you can't drink when you're pregnant, so although I gained a baby belly, I lost the beer one and kept it off until Eliza's 9 month sleep regression...which at that time the only thing that kept me going was caffeine and chocolate. Which brings me to the third comment.

3) "Since you aren't going thru the whole birthing process, you won't be exhausted." - Oh I didn't realize that the only part of having a baby that caused exhaustion was the actual act of delivery, not the feedings every 2 hours, or late nights when babies think it's a good time to have a party or scream for hours on end. Phew. Lucky me.

4) "You'll have all that time off and not have to worry about your recovery" - News Flash, since I am not the one going through the act of delivery guess what else I don't get...Short Term Disability. Guess what I do get? Two weeks paid. Yep. Two weeks. Lucky me again. I plan on writing a separate post on this topic and our lack of Paid Family Leave in this country, so I'll save the rant for another day, but yeah instead of the 8 weeks I would have got with my C-Section delivery, I get TWO.

I'm sure there will be more comments made, but these are the ones I have heard the most. So, if someone shares with you the news of expanding their family thru surrogacy, just remember chances are they didn't get there because they wanted to, chances are it was their only option. So if someone shares with you their surrogate is pregnant...Squeal with excitement. Shout CONGRATULATIONS! Cry tears of joy. Give them hugs. There is no need for anything other than that.