10:34 AM

Wednesday, May 24 at 10:34 AM I was sitting at my desk preparing for my presentation with our Chief of Operations and Technology Officer when my phone rang. "Stephanie" popped up on my screen and I thought "that's strange, Stephanie usually texts me" in fact I had just heard from her earlier that the Sea Bands I gave her were working. So I was surprised to see her name on my screen. When I picked up I could hear her talking to her son, Ryan, and thought, "maybe she butt dialed me", but then I heard her voice and it cracked "Meghan..." She then went on to tell me that she had experienced some cramping and bleeding and that she called the Clinic and they scheduled us for an ultrasound at 1:30. My stomach sank, but I knew this was a risk. I've seen the statistic that 52% of embryo transfers (in my age band) result in a Singleton birth. I'm sure that statistic may be even lower for surrogates. Add in there that Carmelo and I have already experienced a miscarriage, I have been nervous from Day 1 that our embryos just won't make it full term. It just felt like the odds aren't in our favor.

First I sent a message to Carmelo, telling him what was going on and that I was just trying to hold it together at work so I'm sorry I couldn't call him, but I would as soon as I left the building. Then I sent a quick message to my boss letting him know what was going on and that he would need to take over for our presentation. Thankfully I have a boss that understands and support a family work life balance. He said no problem and that he hoped everything was okay. It felt strange though sending the message. I wondered how my boss would react. It's strange feeling being the one that could possibly be losing her baby, but not the one physically going through the act. I can say I think I finally understand how Carmelo felt when we lost our baby. Completely helpless. Would people understand how truly devastating this would be for Carmelo and I? Or would they expect me to just recover quickly because again it didn't physically happen to me? All I know is how I felt and I felt like my world was standing still and the wind had been knocked out of me. I felt like my priority is my family and I needed to leave to be with my family.

I left the office around 11:30 to head home, change and get Carmelo. Around 1:00 we left the house to meet Stephanie and Eric at the clinic. We arrived first and they were there shortly after us. When Stephanie walked into the waiting room I could see it in her face, she was scared, I was too. We sat there talking, but not talking too much for fear that we might burst into tears.

The nurse came and got us. Carmelo, Stephanie and I went into the room, Eric stayed in the waiting room. After some maneuvering we saw what we needed to see, the sac and what appeared to be the start of the fetal pole. The doctor was able to zoom in and measure what we saw on the screen. It measured to be 5 weeks and 5 days...to the day where the embryo should be. You could feel the sense of relief come through the room. The baby was still there and the baby was fine.

Further scanning showed that Stephanie has a Subchorionic Hematoma, which is an accumulation of blood and should clear up on it's own. Of course it will add some additional paranoia to the pregnancy since Stephanie could continue to experience bleeding until it is cleared up. But there was a reason for the bleeding and it wasn't us losing the baby. Stephanie was okay and the baby was okay.

This whole process is new to us. It's new to me and Carmelo. It's new to Stephanie and Eric. Everything we experience is a learning experience. Today was a big one. Today made me realize how fragile this situation is. How little control I have. Today made me realize once again that I could not imagine going through this with anyone other than Stephanie. She was a rockstar in a very intense situation. I can not imagine the weight that she was experiencing today. But she was amazing and did everything I would have done if it was happening to me. And I have a feeling that together we are going to beat the odds.